The Balance Between Dependence and IndependenceA toddler is not a baby more and no longer feels like an extension of the mother who directs and controls life as a ""head"" and in whose facial expression the baby recognizes herself and the world.
But a toddler is not a child yet. It does not yet understand that you are a person with your own rights that you can respect or disregard. His brain is not yet sufficiently developed, so it can not yet translate into others. It only understands its own perspective and not why other people might have different views or needs. It can not take responsibility yet.
Your toddler has just begun to understand that you are both separate persons - and in his world this is by no means an inherent matter of course ...
Sometimes your little one is defending his just found individuality and shouting ""No!"" and ""Leave me!"" Your child is fighting vehemently against your control and fighting each time against his own need for help. The newly discovered self-reliance, one's own will, is just so valuable that your child often can not accept limitations.
But sometimes your child literally hangs on the top of your skirt, cries when you leave the room, reaches out to stretch your arms and hugs your mouth to feed you.
This toddling of your child may confuse you, for your little one it's a painful time. While your child is beginning to understand that he or she is a separate person, it still feels safer to be a part of you ... your child struggles to act on his own and conquer his freedom - and at the same time does that to him sometimes Fear, because it depends on you.
The task for your child is now to develop likes and dislikes and defend them even if they conflict with your interests. But this conflict seems incredibly dangerous to your child: it loves no one in the world like you - and is dependent on your unqualified love.
When it comes to development, all the pointers to ""independence"" are in your child's head and they collide with your child's emotional inner clock, because they tick ""to love and to be loved"".
If you expect your toddler to remain what it was - a comparatively obedient baby - then your child will inevitably clash with you.It needs your love and appreciation, but your child feels the inner need to grow, and it does not want and should not pay the price of over-reliance on your love.
If you expect your little one to become sensible overnight (that takes time!), Then it will feel inadequate. Your toddler needs your help and comfort. It needs understanding if it is ""unreasonable"" and then it goes out of its way. These outrages are no evil will - their child is helpless against these strong feelings and needs loving support instead of angry ranting. At the same time, it is important that you allow him free space and your own decisions whenever possible - otherwise you will provoke your child to become rebellious. Have patience and do not expect to develop overnight, otherwise your sweetheart will be weepy.
Finding the Middle Way
There's a middle ground: your child can venture adventures on their own while being protected and protected by them. Your child can try it out, but the defeats are cushioned.A middle ground that establishes a firm framework for your child's behavior, but at the same time is padded so that your toddler can try out his growing independence within the deal without bruising too much.
To find this middle ground, you need to know a few things about your toddler's development that are not obvious. Do not be fooled by superficial signs! Her two-year-old child often looks much older than she really is. It runs, talks and almost plays like a three-year-old child. But his inner understanding and his experiences are far from being ready.
Treat your child like a little baby, then slow down his development: your child has to learn. It has to make new experiences. Treat your child like a preschooler, putting it under immense pressure: it needs your help to learn. New experiences must be feasible and manageable for your child.
Learning From Experience
Of course, your toddler can already remember things. For example, it may be as good as you remember people, places, songs, and smells. But other things can not remember so well.As a baby - who leads a baby life - this was neither necessary nor particularly obvious. But now that your child is turning to the tasks of a toddler, it is necessary and quite obvious. An example: Day after day, your child stumbles over the step between the kitchen and the living room.
And you get annoyed and worried about the many bumps on your child's head: How often does that have to happen until it's finally learned? Your child will learn. But that takes time. Your little one just can not remember this stupid stage - until repeated experience has written it into his memory.And there are often a few repetitions needed, simply because her toddler is still so distracted and impetuous.
When your baby was a baby, you had to keep it from falling. Later, you will just have to alert your child to the level. But now make sure the experience is not too painful for your toddler. You should pad the place well and remember your child over and over again - without ranting or ridiculing your child.
Learning to think ahead
Your child can not remember things that have gone so well - so it's hard to think ahead. Your toddler can predict that you're going to work now because you carry the briefcase in one hand. But it still can not say what happens when it behaves in a certain way.When your little one comes up the ladder, it will do so without first thinking about how it will go down afterwards. Mostly it is memory difficulties combined with the inability to think ahead, which puts children in trouble.
Again and again you have told your child not to press the buttons on the TV. But when your little one approaches the television next time, it has forgotten your admonition and even the idea of a drummer is not strong enough to keep your child away from the buttons. These buttons just have to be pressed. They possess magical attraction! Everything is so new and exciting for your child!
And that's why your toddler can not wait for anything: it can not think ahead. If your child wants something, then immediately. And that's why there are loud screams while you're just removing the packaging from the ice. Waiting for something is difficult for your child.
It's even harder to accept a little inconvenience now so he'll feel better later. And that's why your child roars at the sticky remains of ice in his face first of all, and then fights the washcloth with which you want to remove the sticky remains. Most of the time, your child lives only in the now.
Learning to feel emotions
Your toddler is still thinking very easily and this can lead to difficulties in interacting with other people. Your child loves you. Everyone who knows you tells you that your child loves you. Even your little one says and shows it to you. And when it laughs at you, embraces you with fervor, when it smiles at you conspiratorially or silently falls into it, then you too feel it.Nevertheless, your child may very rarely behave ""lovingly,"" as adults understand it. It can not yet put itself in your position and see the world through your eyes. Your child hates to see you cry. But it still can not understand why exactly you are sad or why someone feels different from yourself.
Your child does not have to deal with other people's feelings yet. First of all, it has to learn to understand one's own feelings. If your child bites you and you bite back to ""show what it feels like"" then it will roar with rage and be completely disappointed that you hurt it intentionally! Your child can not establish a connection between his action and your reaction, between his and your feelings.
If you want to understand your toddler, then you need to understand how his thinking develops. Only when the thought processes mature does contradictory emotions and deceptive skills come together to form a rational whole and can be guided - then we speak of a ""child"".