What is a defiance reaction?

Where does a tantrum come from?

Not every expression of anger or defiance equals a tantrum. Infants tear themselves, stomp their feet on the floor or get so stiff that you can not get them in the buggy - and yet have no tantrum or Koller. A real tantrum is even more special: it happens when your child emotionally blows a fuse. Once a real tantrum has set in, you can not just turn it off or tell your child to stop it immediately.

A tantrum is most likely when a lot of frustration - often coupled with fear or worry - has accumulated in the toddler. And then the tension is so great that it can only discharge explosively. Sometimes the tension builds up very slowly. There may be days when you suspect at noon that a Koller is getting started. But you're in luck and everything stays calm until bedtime. Sometimes such a tantrum comes out of the blue - and then it actually seems like an internal fuse has blown because somebody pressed the wrong button. During the tantrum, a toddler is overwhelmed by his inner anger, completely trapped in his inner world and overwhelmed by fierce emotions that he can not control. Your child's tantrums may be unpleasant for you, but they are even worse for your child.

What happens during a tantrum?

Children behave differently when they get a real Koller. But with your child, the outbursts of anger will probably always look similar: maybe your little one is running through the room roaring with anger. Then remember that your child has lost control of his feelings and that everything that gets in his way gets knocked over.

If you do not protect your child, it may bump into furniture or run against walls. It may also throw itself screaming on the floor and pedaling with all fours, as if it would fight with demons. Anyone who comes too close to your child will be kicked - so be careful when picking up your angry child.

Some children scream so long and persistently that they grow hoarse until they choke or even vomit. Or they roar until their face turns blue and they can not breathe for a moment before exhaling. Tantra, where the child can not breathe for a moment, is the worst for parents. Sometimes the children do not breathe until they are gray in the face and almost faint.

It's pretty much impossible for a child to harm themselves. The body's reflexes make sure that breathing starts again and that air enters the lungs before any real danger exists.

When do the tantrums begin? And will they stop? Even though infants are notorious for tantrums, even babies who are nine months old may have such a tantrum. And the percentage of four-year-olds throwing themselves down in the middle of a supermarket and kicking wild is higher than many parents admit!

Read tips from other parents: How to cope with stressful situations.

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