Coping with tantra

"The Psychology of Transformation:Understanding Buddhist Tantra" with Ven. Robina Courtin, Session 1 (February 2019).

Anonim

Avoiding Tantrums

In some infants, defiant reactions and temper tantrums are part of everyday life. In others, they are much less common. But you may be able to reduce your child's tendency to tantrums: Organize your toddler's life so that frustrating experiences remain within what your child can tolerate.

It's always worthwhile to avoid tantrums - even though this may mean limiting yourself - Koller will not help you or your child. If you need to ban something to your child, or if you need to get it to do something unpleasant, do it as tactfully as possible. If your child gets angry or gets upset, try to make the situation more acceptable to your child. Of course, your little one must put on the coat, if that's what you said. But maybe the zipper does not have to be yet?

It's not a good idea to confront children with immutable laws and prohibitions, or to push them emotionally into a corner where they can explode with rage. It is better always to keep open an escape route that does not violate the dignity of your child.

First Aid in a Tantrum

Remember that your child is scared of his overpowering anger. Be careful that your little one does not hurt yourself or others. If, after a tantrum, your child finds it has hit its head, scratched your face, or knocked over a vase, it may come to the following conclusion: I have a terrible power in me and Mum can Also, do not protect me if I get out of control.

Perhaps the safest way is to keep your child gently on the ground during a tantrum. It can slowly calm down and knows itself in your area and in safety. Gradually, your child is astonished to discover that it did not cause much damage in the Koller. Your little one can slowly relax and cuddle up in your arms. Instead of howling, you only hear sobs now. The roaring monster transforms into a helpless baby, who is bad with a roar and has terrified himself with his anger. Now is the time to comfort your little one.

Some toddlers can not stand being held during a temper tantrum. The physical restriction makes them even more angry and the whole thing even more dramatic. Do not force your little one to stay in your arms. Clear everything that could break and make sure your child does not get hurt.

Do not even try to reason with your child . During a tantrum, your child literally loses his mind - Reason has no chance now.

The upper part of the brain, which is responsible for reason, is virtually eliminated during a tantrum, whereas the lower brain, which is responsible for emotions and instincts, has gained the upper hand. Therefore, you must first encounter your child on the emotional level - through calm, reassuring words or touches, if your child likes that. Only when the emotional tide is over, you can argue reasonably and search together for solutions.

Do not yell back . Anger is on. It may well be that the more annoying you become with each minute your child roars longer. Stay calm. If you also freak out, then your little one - just in the moment when it gets quieter - perceive the anger in your voice. That's enough to start a new outburst of rage.

Do not let your little one get punished (or rewarded) for a temper tantrum . Your child should not feel that the tantrums that are affecting themselves can affect anything - either in a negative or a positive sense.

If your child has a rage because it was not allowed in the garden, stay behind afterwards. And if you had planned a nice playground visit in front of the Koller, then go to the playground as soon as your child calms down. Rage is part of the development and your child can not control it - so it would be unfair to punish it.

Do not touch your child with kid gloves because of an impending tantrum . Many parents fear that your kids might be yelling in rage in public places. Never let your child feel these worries! Maybe you do not like to take your little one to the supermarket, because there are no sweets, but a rage? Maybe if you have a visit, you're more likely to give in to sweets - because a ban might follow a ban?

Your child realizes that very fast! Once your toddler understands that his sudden uncontrollable outbursts have a positive effect on your behavior, he learns to force semi-voluntary outbursts of rage. Therefore: Try not to prohibit too much. But for what is important to you, you should stand - and then in front of others and also, if that means a tantrum.

Handling Outbursts

Assume that your child does not have a temper tantrum. Behave as if you never heard of tantrums. And when it does, then you consider the Koller as an unpleasant, but completely irrelevant interruption in the daily routine. That sounds easy - but it is not.

While visiting a friend, she asked her 20-month-old son to remove the tarpaulin from the sandpit.""No, not now, it's about time for the bath,"" she replied, continuing to talk to me. Her child pulled on her sleeve to regain her attention, but got no answer. Finally, the little boy went alone to the sandpit and tried in vain to solve the tarp. He was tired and frustrated. Everything was too much for him and he exploded. Later, when the tantrum came to an end, my friend told me, ""I was mean, it was my fault, I just did not realize he wanted to play in the sandbox so much."" After that, she canceled the plans for her boy.

The mother's behavior is understandable - but also a wonderful example of how to deal with tantrums better! She had said ""no"" without much thought when her son asked her for help for the first time. Her son tried to solve the tarp alone, but she missed how terribly her child wanted to play in the sand. She was distracted from the conversation with me. Only when her son got a real tantrum, she realized how much her son wanted in the sandbox and that there was actually no really good reason for a ban, since she still talked to me anyway and not yet left.

It's arguable that it was right that she finally took off the tarpaulin. On the one hand, she ""rewarded"" her son's tantrum. On the other hand, it is also quite appropriate to honestly admit to his child: ""You were right, I talked anyway and it was stupid that I had not taken the plane. ""And for that reason to please the child.

It's good for parents to show children how to deal with mistakes. So, if my friend really needed to leave, she could have stuck with it, saying, ""I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Next time, I'll make you the tarp directly. Now we have to go in first. ""If there had been some time left, she could have fulfilled her son's wish - but should make sure that such situations remain the exception so that her son does not get the impression that tantrums are a way to enforce his will.

The most important lesson from this story: Never say ""no"" automatically, but only if we can really justify this ""no"". This also prevents unnecessary tantrums. Of course she wanted to make everything right. But at that point, she should not have changed her mind. She should have stood to her ""no"", because her change of mind must mean for the child: My tantrum had a wonderful effect! Had she listened more closely as a mother when her son asked her for help instead of saying ""yes"" after his furious roar, it would have been better for both of them.

Toddlers do not have it easy: they are in a roller coaster of emotions, rocking back and forth between fear and anger. Parents also do not have it easy, because they try to be a well-balanced steady point - and that during the rapid emotional toddler roller coaster ride. But time works for us! Once your child reaches pre-school age, it has already made much of the transformation.

Growing Out of Tantrums

Your toddler will grow up, grow taller and stronger, and eventually things can do better. This means that everyday life will be less frustrating for your child. It knows and understands more now. That's why there are not so many scary new things in his world. And if your child is not so scared anymore, it does not take so much reassuring reinsurance from you. Little by little your little one learns to speak fluently - not only about what he sees, but also about what he thinks and imagines. As soon as your child can do that, comforting and encouraging words can sometimes help, and your little one may not need constant physical comfort. Language helps to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Once your child is old enough, it will understand that many of the worst fears have nothing to do with real life, and that many of the prohibitions you utter are reasonable.

Your toddler is well on the way to becoming a rational and communicative person. Give him just a little time.

More about your toddler's education

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