Infertility can become a very serious test if you're looking for a baby. It's hard to imagine how stressful that is until you find out for yourself (HFEA 2009a). It can make you question everything in your life, from your trust in yourself and your body to your relationship.
To deal with this, you have to admit that you are going through a difficult time. It is normal to be sad, angry, desperate or overwhelmed. Do not try to fight your feelings. Allow yourself to feel these powerful emotions. This can help you overcome them.
I always remember that I should have tried to get pregnant earlier. Is it my fault? Of course not! Nobody is to blame for infertility. But you may find that you are going through a time when you feel guilty. Keep reminding yourself that infertility is not your fault. And it makes no sense to blame yourself, no matter how frustrated you are. The only thing that matters now is how you and your partner master the future.I feel so helpless. What can I do to make me feel stronger?
Inform yourself. Read, read and read and ask questions. Treatments using artificial insemination can be very complex and some methods continue to evolve rapidly. Understanding what is medically done in you will enable you to make a better choice.Plan to treat yourself to something beautiful on a regular basis, such as a manicure or a massage, or cook your favorite meal. Never forget that laughter has a healing effect on everyone. Watch a movie comedy, go to a comedy show, or read a funny book. Do something for the good mood and do not focus on your fertility problems.
Do not put your life on ice while you do the tests and treatments. Keep up the hobbies you enjoy. Only in this way can you live a contented and fulfilled life. Do not just fever from one cycle to the next.
If your old activities make you sad, for example because your friends are all parents, you should look for new hobbies. Ever wanted to learn guitar? Then do it! If walking is your thing, then take your time. Or sign up for a painting or dance class or anything you've always wanted to do.
How do we prevent our fertility problems from damaging our relationship?
Do not give in to the temptation to blame each other and not yourself. Neither one of you should feel guilty about not being able to give a child to the other. Guilt, like all negative thoughts, is a waste of energy.You can cope with your fertility problems much better if you tackle the problem together as a team. Keep the communication channels open. Take care of the emotional needs of the other. Notice what your partner is going through. Listen to each other and encourage each other.
Simple but solid tasks can also help to work with and not against each other. If you undergo treatment, your partner can take over the household. If you need to get hormone injections, it may be nice for you to administer it. Find ways to work together to share the burden. Ironically, many couples find that their sex life suffers from the problems. The love life is more a planned duty than a spontaneous pleasure. If that applies to you, read on how to bring the joy back into your sex life.
I can not stand baby showers anymore. Is not it rude not to go?
If certain meetings with friends who are parents are too painful for you, it is perfectly acceptable to give it up. This is especially the case when the invitation is made when you are going through a difficult time. Instead, send a gift and a handwritten card to not hurt anyone.
If you decide to go, you should remember that it is okay if you only stay for a short time. Then apologize and leave. Afterwards, plan something nice, such as a meal in the restaurant or a visit to the cinema, so that you can look forward to something.Can therapy help with fertility disorders?
Curbing infertility or undergoing treatment could easily isolate you. You may feel that you need to be strong. Maybe you only told your closest friends and family that you wanted a child. It may be that you are embarrassed or ashamed.
Therapy or counseling sessions are ways to help you cope with the stress. You can find the support you need through:Your doctor
If you are being treated for infertility, counseling should be offered to you at the same time. This will give you the opportunity to learn more about what it all entails and to become aware of your feelings. This is especially important for you if you get sperm from a donor during your treatment (NCCWCH 2004, HFEA 2009b).
Counseling can address the burden that such treatment has on your relationship. It shows you ways to overcome that are most important to you and your partner. Remember, you may have to pay for the advice yourself.
It can be helpful to talk about your experiences with someone who has been through or through them. It can give you the reinsurance of not being alone (HFEA 2009a, b). Visit the friendly and helpful community of BabyCenter to meet other people in the same situation as you.
You can also ask your doctor or the Fertility Clinic to make a contact for you. Or you can on the pages of Wunschkind e. V. looking for a self-help group on site.
You may think that advice or support groups are not for you. But keep in mind that studies have confirmed the positive effect of such sessions. A therapy that helps you cope with the psychological burden of infertility can improve your chances of success. This is especially true if your problem does not require assisted reproduction techniques (Hämmerli et al 2009).
In the event that you need in vitro fertilization, experts have found that body and soul sessions, such as a range of therapies such as meditation, can improve your chances (Domar et al 2011). Other research has found that stress has no bearing on whether you become pregnant (Boivin et al 2011).
We tried to have a baby for many years. How do we know when to give up?
It may be unimaginable to give up on a dream, but the treatment of infertility can be exhausting. It may not be possible to deal with the psychological burden forever. The burden of IVF is one of the main reasons why couples stop their treatment before completing all the cycles they have been offered (Olivius et al 2004).
Some couples find it a relief to stop thinking about infertility treatment. This may give you the opportunity to think about alternatives, such as adoption.For some couples, getting medical help is a burden at first. You may decide that a fertility treatment is not right for you. It is important that you always talk to your partner so that you make a joint decision that is fair to both of you.
What about the financial side of infertility treatment?
This treatment can unfortunately be an expensive affair, because the statutory health insurance companies only cover part of the costs.Therefore, you should first inform yourself, which costs your health insurance company assumes. For example, for medications, the contribution may be between 100 and 1000 euros per experiment.
Prerequisite for a partial takeover of the costs are: You must be married and both be at least 25 years old. For women over 40 and men over 50 years, the costs are no longer taken.You may decide to seek private treatment as many couples do. If you decide on a combination of statutory health insurance and private treatment, then find out what the full treatment costs are for each cycle. Expect the hidden costs such as vacation days and travel expenses, because you may need to drive to the clinic frequently.
If you know how much your treatment is likely to cost, sit down with your partner and discuss the following questions:
How do you plan to pay? Do you feel comfortable borrowing the money or using all your savings for it?
If your first round of treatment has been unsuccessful, can you afford another? And another one after that?
- How much money do you want to spend overall?
- If you get IVF, can you both fail if it does not work?
- Want to talk to others about infertility? Meet others who are struggling to get pregnant in our community.
Health trusts suspend funding.The Telegraph. www. telegraph. co. uk [as of February 2012] Boivin J, Griffiths E, Venetis CA. 2011. Emotional distress in infertile women and failure of assisted reproductive technologies: meta-analysis of prospective psychosocial studies. BMJ
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Expert Group on Commissioning NHS Fertility Commission. www. ie. gov. uk [pdf file, as of February 2012] Domar AD, Rooney KL, Wiegand B, et al. 2011. Impact of a group mind / body intervention on pregnancy rates in IVF patients. Fertil Sterile
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Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority. www. HFEA. gov. uk [as of February 2012] HFEA. 2009b. Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI): chance of success
. Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority. www. HFEA. gov. uk [as of February 2012] HFEA. 2009a. Get help and advice
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Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority. www. HFEA. gov. uk [as of February 2012] Malik SH, Coulson NS. 2010. Coping with infertility online: an examination of self-help mechanisms in an online infertility support group. Patient Educ Couns
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National Collaborating Center for Women's and Children's Health. London: RCOG Press. www. rcog. org. [pdf-file, December 2012] Olivius C, Friden B, Borg G, et al. 2004. Why do couples discontinue in vitro fertilization treatment? A cohort study. Fertil Sterile.
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