Discipline and cooperation

Cooperative Discipline (December 2018).

Anonim

parents whose babies grow into toddlers , think a lot about education. No wonder! Your baby can accomplish many things alone - but not all of it meets with parental approval.

The time around the first birthday

Your baby can now almost independently move around the apartment, it is on the best way to learn to speak and it can basically understand what ""no"" means. Your child can obey - sometimes even if it wants something else.

Nevertheless, your child is not yet able to understand why adults get angry when they do not obey. The reasons are vague: your anger comes to your child out of nowhere like a bolt from the blue sky or the rumbling of the gods.

Your toddler can not tell you what exactly was going on with the overcrowding. For example, the spilled milk on the T-shirt that has just been washed or the raked out briefcase. It does not understand how much work such incidents mean to you. Even if your child sensed the previous tension, it had no idea where it was coming from: in the beginning was the alarm clock that did not start. Therefore you came out of bed too late, woke your child too late and then rushed to the day care center.

Your little one does not know much about your feelings - and that's right. It does not have to deal with that. Maybe your child even laughs when you scold him (because he does not understand the situation) and that makes you even more angry.

But if you scream now, that will startle your child and it will start to cry. If you lose control enough to even shake your child, slap him, and drop him in his crib, it will be horrified and his confidence in you will be shaken. As shocked as you would be, if your friendly family dog ​​suddenly turns against you, biting your leg and ripping you a deep wound. Your child can learn nothing from this kind of punishment.

Let's assume your little one grabs the vase on the kitchen table, throws it on the floor and the vase breaks down. You could insult your child with annoyance: it should not have touched the vase, as you've said so many times and it should be more careful anyway.

But think about it for a moment! Her child touched the vase because it was on the table. It just wanted to explore the world curiously and does not yet remember which things are forbidden.In addition, his dexterity and fine motor skills for fragile and delicate things is not trained enough. So, was that really your child's fault? If the vase was so valuable, why was it within reach? Your child will be punished for what it is: a toddler.

Now imagine your child tipping his food from the plate to the freshly cleaned kitchen floor. They say angrily, ""You should not do that, you know that!"" But does your child really know that? A few minutes earlier, you have still together, the blocks from the box poured on the floor. Does your child need to know the difference between food and toys?

As for the clean floor, your little one might have watched you soap the floor with water. Does your child need to understand that soapy water cleans things and fat makes them dirty? And again, you are actually annoyed that your child behaves exactly as children at that age do.

Whatever other people say, you do not pamper and spoil your baby at this age if you are gentle and kind - and it does not harm his behavior either. On the contrary, the more consciously you love your child and rejoice that your little one loves you the better. Realize your baby's insatiable desire for your smile and hugs and embrace it.

The last thing your little one wants is to upset you. However, it will take a while for your child to understand what you like. Your needs do not necessarily match what's fun for your baby.

One Year to Two and a Half Years

In these months, her child is evolving from a baby to an independent personality. If you treat it like a baby, it will fight it every day to defend its newly discovered self-determination. But your child pays a high price if it loses your favor. Therefore, remember that defiance is not ""bad behavior"" or ""power.""

Your child goes through a perfectly normal evolution: it discovers its own will, which is incredibly important to the emergence of self-esteem. And at the same time, it still does not understand why it can not always implement this wonderful, newly discovered will. He is so happy with his discovery of the ""I"" that with a ""no"" blows a fuse and it is simply overwhelmed by his feelings.

Despite this, it is not a bad will, but simply a sign that your child is making an important developmental step - and how any child of that age can not yet ""reasonably"" control feelings of frustration and anger. You can help him by reacting calmly and understandingly. Set limits, but not unnecessarily many. Is it really that bad if the child removes the drawer?However, walking alone to the street is out of the question. Therefore, think about where you really have to say ""no,"" and then stay gentle, but determined, with it. Signal understanding of your child's frustration and be there to comfort.

Keep reminding yourself that you can not raise a toddler like older children. Reasonable arguments often bring little, because they just do not arrive in the head of the little ones yet. Nevertheless, you should briefly explain why something is not possible, but do not expect that alone is enough to convince your child. His feelings may still explode, and then it needs parents who understand this as normal development and calmly and patiently confront your child.

So do not try to exercise absolute control and do not engage in moral struggles. Your toddler will be ""good"" if he likes what you ask him to do and if he does not feel like doing something that he does not like.

Understanding other people's needs is simply not possible at this age. It is normal for children at this age to be very selfish. This is not meant to be evil, but her brain just is not ready to realize that other people have different needs. But with a little bit of peasant shyness, you may set up your life together so that you and your child want the same thing most of the time.

Your toddler has spread the bricks across the nursery and you want the room to be tidy. If you now ask your child to clean up, it probably resists. And if you continue to insist, a power struggle ensues that you can not win. You can yell at your child, punish him and leave it as a mound of misery. None of the blocks will ever leave the nursery floor and walk into the box.

But when you say, ""Bets, I cleaned up the books faster than you did the bricks?"" Then the awkward task becomes the game and the command becomes the challenge. Or, for smaller children: ""Look, the blocks are tired. They want to go to the box, to sleep. Can you help them? ""Now your child wants the same as you, and that's why it does it. It does not clear the blocks for you. It also does not clean up because it is ""good"". It removes them because you made it your own. And that's the best way to go.

Accompany your little one through the day by anticipating and circumnavigating the rocks. Avoid unyielding demands, because they will surely be relentlessly opposed. Help your child to want what you want. And, if the situation permits, you can also respond to the wishes of your child. Teach him to take care of each other.

Your toddler, who can not distinguish between right and wrong and therefore does not consciously opt for or against bad behavior, grows up.Your child will soon remember your instructions. Then it can also become aware of the consequences of its actions. And it also understands the subtleties of everyday language and recognizes what you feel.

When the time comes,

your child may actually be intentionally ""good"" or ""evil."" Which of the two options a child chooses depends very much on how it is related to the adults who are close to him and who have the power over it. When your little one reaches that age and feels that you are on his side, loving and supporting him, you will (most of the time) like it and behave as you wish, with many slip-ups included. Because even at this age, your child's brain is still dominated by emotions. It stays that way until adolescence! Reasonable thinking and consideration works better and better - but that outbursts of anger and irrationality keep sparking in between, developmental psychology is also completely normal for older children and teenagers. But a child who reaches this age and feels that his parents overwhelm, do not understand, and do not support, may not be in the mood to please. You can not please them anyway! This kid tries to ignore the anger of the parents. You are so annoyed so often! And it will suppress the love it actually feels for its parents. She was returned so seldom.

If you're ever wondering if you're too gentle or too friendly with your toddler - or if anyone recommends that you ask for more discipline - then look ahead!

If your child reaches pre-school age and no longer values ​​your appreciation, if she does not feel like working with you, and if she's not sure if she's loved and loved, then you've got the groundwork for one lost simple and effective education of your child. In this transition phase - in the toddler phase - a happy child is a simple child. And a child who is feeling well now, feels that he is loved and appreciated will later be easier to educate.

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