Aggression: Why is my child so aggressive? And how should I handle it?

5 Essential Parenting Tips #4 - Dealing with Anger & Aggression | Supernanny (January 2019).

Anonim

Why Do Kindergarteners Respond Aggressively?

You stand at the kindergarden window, watch your little angel playfully, enjoy your child - and suddenly, without any warning, it hits a playmate with full force in the face.

As shocking as it may sound, aggressive behavior is part of the child's development. Sometimes the cause is simply fear: your child strikes because it feels cornered by another. But also frustration can be a cause of aggression. Do not forget that your child needs to learn a lot of new skills: It starts with using a pair of scissors and ends with complex typesetting. If that does not work out the way it should, a child can quickly get frustrated - and that leaves it to his playmates.

If your baby is new to kindergarten, it also has to get used to staying alone in a strange place. It has to learn how to assert oneself in a group with many children and how to cope with the many new rules. Even that can overwhelm a child and lead to aggressive reactions.

The good news is your child will outgrow his aggression - the more he learns to solve problems through words rather than fists. The important thing is to show your little one the sooner the better, that talking and negotiating will bring faster and better solutions than pulling, shoving and beating hair.

How can you respond to aggression?

Respond immediately!

It's best to respond immediately if your child behaves inappropriately. Take it out of the situation for a moment - three to four minutes are enough for kindergartners.

The idea behind it: Your child learns so that a certain behavior has certain consequences. If it bites, beats or kicks, it will not be allowed to play for a few minutes and misses all the fun. Important: No matter how annoying you are, do not yell at your child and do not hit it under any circumstances! This will not change his behavior. On the contrary, your child will believe that verbal and physical aggression is okay when you're angry. You are the role model for your child.

So check your own anger and take your child out of the game situation. At home you can send it to his room for a short ""break"".If you're somewhere else, it's best to just go out to the door with him and tell him why it needs time off without arguing.

Do not deviate from your plan!

Respond to aggressive behavior of your child as much as possible. The more predictable your reaction (""You hit Anna - that's a break for you again.""), The faster your child will recognize and expect this pattern. It learns that it can not continue to play when it behaves inappropriately - and that's the first step toward controlled behavior.

Talk about it!

Wait for your baby to calm down and then talk together about what happened: Best if your child is not so upset anymore, but has not forgotten what made him so mad - about 30 to 60 minutes later. Ask your child if he can remember what caused his tantrum: ""Why were you so mad at Marie? ""Explain that it is quite normal to get angry from time to time, but it's not okay to kick, shove, or punch. Look for alternatives together: kicking a ball, punching a fist, asking for help from an adult, or simply expressing your feelings: ""Marie, I'm so angry because you took the red pencil from me. ""

Your child can learn to briefly leave situations and people who make you angry, to find a solution. You can also read children's books on the subject together, such as

Anna and the Fury

by Christine Nöstlinger. Hold Your Child Responsible If your child is messing up something, it should also help clean up. Likewise, it can repair a toy that has broken it. Or tidy up the bricks it threw around. These are not punishments, but quite natural consequences. This is how your child learns to take responsibility for his or her own actions.

Make sure your kindergartner learns to apologize - even if that means that you must first take it by the hand and make the apology proxy. The excuses of your child may initially be appealing and not at all sympathetic, but the learning effect will not be missed.

Reward right behavior!

Do not just pay attention to your child if something goes wrong, but especially if it does something right!

For example, if it asks if it's allowed to play on the computer, instead of just grabbing the mouse. Or if it leaves another child on the swing, which has been waiting for a long time. Tell your child how much you enjoy such generosity: ""That was nice of you, that you let Leon go on the swing first! ""

You could even put a bonus calendar on the fridge or over the cot: every time your child finds a good solution in a dispute or conflict without screaming or hitting, it gets a sticker.If the calendar is full, it will be celebrated with a reward or even better with a shared activity.

Limit the TV times!

Even harmless-looking animated series and so-called children's channels are often peppered with threats, beatings and mutual barking. Keep an eye on what your kindergarten child sees on TV. If something happens in a program that you do not like, talk about it: ""Did you see how the girl pushed his girlfriend to get what she wants? That was not good, right? ""

Even computer games often contain aggressive scenes. If your child has older siblings, pay attention to what your child gets from their computer games!

Do not hesitate to ask for help!

Some children find it more difficult than others to control their anger. If your child often gets violent tantrums and attacks others, or if they have been referred to in kindergarten, seek help. The kindergarten teacher definitely has a tip as to who can support you well and professionally.

Try to get to the root of the problem. Consider whether you want to consult a psychologist. Sometimes there's just a hitherto undiscovered overburdening of your child's frustration and anger. Sometimes difficult behavior results from problematic family constellations.

In most cases, there is no need for professional psychological help - but if your child needs help, it is also helpful for you to know that you are not left alone.

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