How do I make my child happy?There is no magic formula for parents, because unfortunately education is not painting by numbers. Every situation requires a new decision and every child is different, just as all parents are unique. However, there are a few rules of thumb that can help you to give your sweetheart a happy childhood.
Based on the ""15 requests of a child to an adult,"" which are often cited by educators and kindergarten teachers, we have 15 ""memoranda"" with explanations for you that can serve as guidelines for education.
first Do not pamper your childChildren ask, beg and rage when they want something. Nevertheless, they should not get everything they want. It may seem easier at first than giving in to wizards, but the more often you do that, the harder you will be to ban them next time. And a child, who always fulfills all wishes immediately, is not only spoiled but also spoiled and does not acknowledge the limitations and wishes of other people.
But that does not mean that you should forbid your child from doing things that really should not be banned. Too many prohibitions discourage children and only provoke them to disobedience. That is why the rule of thumb applies to prohibitions: ""As much as necessary, as little as possible! ""Only say 'no' if you can really justify that - and then stay consistent.
second Speak a clear and simple languageLittle children understand neither hints nor irony, because these are linguistic subtleties that every person learns only gradually. Therefore, say clearly what you want or what is the matter. Short phrases with simple statements such as ""Putting your toys away"" are better for children than hidden desires like ""I think your toys would be in better hands in your room.""
3. Stay consistentIf you have reasons to deny your child something, then stay consistent. Children do not understand when it means ""Hü"" today and ""Hott"" tomorrow. Either there is a rule or there is none. Rules that can be bent are not. Children feel safer and more comfortable with rules, even if it means subordinating to their own will. In justified cases, there may be exceptions - but then you should clearly explain to your child why this exception may be and that the rule otherwise applies. Especially with younger children but not too many exceptions should be made.
4th Do not Play the Power CardYou do not have to discuss everything with your child or justify your wishes in detail.Nevertheless, you should never make your child feel powerless. Phrases like ""Because I'm Bigger Than You"" or ""Because I'm Stronger,"" or ""Because I Say That,"" make the child believe that it always has to obey because it can not defend itself - for reasons that are not can and can not change anything. Often this leads to defiant reactions of frustration. Therefore, it is important to provide at least brief, understandable justifications if your child is not allowed to do something or if you enforce something that your child does not want.
5th Make mistakesDo not make a big deal of it if your child does something wrong. Tell him how to do it right and help if necessary. Like you, your child learns from mistakes and should therefore not feel like a failure. You can make it even clearer if you yourself acknowledge mistakes and can apologize to your child if it was affected. This strengthens the bond between you, because your child will trust you more when he knows that you always mean well with him.
In addition, it learns by your model to take responsibility for your own actions. This is much better than a forced apology (""Now excuse me, please!""), Which only leads to abusing excuses as a mere phrases.
. 6 Be the ContactAs difficult as it may sometimes be to answer a child's question (why does the sun shine yellow, how do earthworms breathe in the ground?) - take any question seriously and try to give a sincere but child-friendly answer. If you really do not know, then just admit it. But also emphasize that you find the question interesting and would like to know more about it yourself. Try to find an answer together. If you take your child seriously, it will also ask you for advice if it has a real problem.
. 7 Adjust Your Attention to NecessityWhen your child whines or turns a little thing into an elephant, that's a way to tell you ""give me attention."" That is a legitimate wish, because children need our attention and, in some phases, a lot of it. Maintain a good balance: Take the needs of your child seriously, but also teach him to take care of others. Children can learn to wait while parents talk on the phone or talk to their neighbor. You should also help your child to carry out small activities independently. Listen to your sweetheart when the shoe pushes him, but show him how he can help himself. That helps him to become independent.
. 8 Spend time with your childTaking time for your child means not only being physically present, but also reserving all your senses for the child. Playing in the living room while browsing through a magazine does not count as a time together.Try to take a few hours daily for free, d. H. To pay your attention exclusively to your child. Even a dad who only has time in the evening and on weekends can be a confidant of his child, if he regularly and lovingly deals with his offspring, instead of just being ""half-hearted"" in the matter.
. 9 Be a role modelIf you do not want (and who wants to do that?) That your child is adopting bad habits, then pretend to him how to do without. Be polite and kind in dealing with him and others, do not use swear words and pay attention to your manners. If your child misbehaves, then ask them to leave it. If it does not stop, put it aside and put it into words with clear but respectful words. If you exclaim loudly in the presence of others, it will go on defiantly. Also, attitudes such as order, reconciliation, helpfulness and optimism are best learned by your child as a role model.
10th Have experiments withyour child learns and it wants to learn. But it can only do that if you give it the opportunity to find out things by doing it. So if it is not dangerous (like handling the knife alone), then allow such attempts calmly. It may be annoying to wait for your child to button up their jacket for the first time because you could do it much faster. But later you will be grateful for these attempts, because it saves you time and strengthens the self-confidence of your child.
. 11 Do not Put Words on the Gold ScaleLearning to express emotions is a difficult thing. Your child not only has to learn to understand the feeling for himself, but also to practice how to put it into words. So do not be shocked if your child screams, ""I hate you!"". It probably just wants to tell you that he does not like your decision, that he is dissatisfied, that he feels wronged. But he lacks the expression for it.
Help your child with it. Explain that words can hurt you - or let that be felt by telling him how you feel. So it also learns in dealing with other children to pay attention to his words. Fortunately, because childrens' anger is quickly consumed, you should not be resentful once you have quarreled with your sweetheart.
12th Promise only what you can promise.Brilliant promises can lead to disappointment. Therefore, you only promise something if you also intend to fulfill the promise. A child who is often disappointed loses his trust - not only in the promises he gives, but also in those who give them. If you have ever promised something, but can not fulfill it for some reason, then explain child-friendly why it is not, excuse yourself and comfort your child.Never insist that your child could have forgotten the promise.
. 13 Talk and listenFor your child, you are the number one reference person. He wants to share his life with you and at the same time learns two things: to express his thoughts and how communication between two people works. If you do not interrupt talking, it will also learn to talk you out. At the same time, listening will bring you fun and joy, because your child experiences a lot differently and thus you get a share in a (fantasy) world that you have not entered for a long time.
14th Take fears and concerns seriouslyIf your child is afraid of the dark, afraid of water or suspecting monsters in his closet, do not dismiss this as excessive fantasy. No one likes to be scared, and even less so are you alone with your fears. Children also find it much more difficult than us to distinguish between reality and fantasy.
Help your child fight his fear (show him that there are no monsters in the closet!) Or avoid situations where he needs to face his fear (if he's afraid of water, then the family outing not necessarily go to the lake). Comfort your child when he is afraid. Often, remedies that do not simply ""talk away"" anxiety, but also fight the threat of fantasy, often help. For example, build a monster defense shield that will be placed against the door of the room and make it impossible for monsters to enter or give them yours Child a lavender bag with the note that the scent eliminates all dangers and bad dreams, If your child gets scared, it can push the pillow a little to enhance the scent.
15th Love, Love, and Love Again